19 Things I Learned in 2019

I hesitated on whether or not to make this post for 2019, but apparently I'm deciding in favor of it. I guess I was just afraid that I'd fill this list up with random thoughts that didn't truly come from what I feel like I lived and learned last year.

Fortunately, I found a way to remedy that by going back through my writing in all sorts of places (here, Instagram, the notes app on my phone) to remember the lessons I feel like I truly got from 2019. Which is why it took a bit longer than usual...

So here's 19 lessons I learned last year, which probably will end up sounding more like my random thoughts than anything. But it's still an attempt of collecting the most important parts of the year to me.

1. I want to be loud about the things I love (even if others don’t understand them), and quieter about the things I don’t like (that aren’t hurting anyone). It doesn’t just affect the atmosphere around us, but it affects our joy to choose to focus on the positive. Complaining and hating and criticizing are overrated and a huge waste of time. Focusing on the good and the light and the beautiful makes life a whole lot easier for everyone.

2. It’s not so much that people are hard to love but that we, as imperfect humans, have a hard time loving perfectly. So it follows that if we learn to love perfectly, we’d be able to love anyone. It starts with us, and with understanding God’s love for us.

3. There are times to choose what is right for you first and times to lay that down for the sake of others. You need wisdom to know the difference. If you’re motivated by either greed or guilt, chances are you’ll choose wrong.

4. Roller coasters are maybe not that bad and it's actually possible for me to enjoy them. At least the Disney ones. Jury's still out on all others.

5. Even things that can be strengths in your life, like self awareness and intuition, can become crutches that you rely on. Sometimes you have to let go of them to witness God do something amazing.

6. The world has come a long way, and though it will always be broken in so many ways, I would rather be alive now than in any other time in history. Yes, the world's still a mess and politics can drive any sane person mad, but we really are blessed to be alive in a time and place where most of us have freedom, where discrimination has decreased and ignorance is diminishing. Obviously, both of these things remain, and in greater spades than most people would admit. But romanticizing the past doesn't do reality justice. Who knows what the future holds. But when it comes to the present, I'd rather choose hope over hopelessness.

7. If you can still find childlike wonder in everyday things, you have a true advantage in life. Don't let the world make you feel silly over something that's so secretly powerful.

8. Maturity isn't the same as having perfect control over every part of your life, though some people would make it out to be. True maturity looks more like peace, like contentment. Like shedding our need to be perceived in a positive light, and letting go of the pressure to pretend to be something we’re not. 

9. The beach in cooler weather might be better than the beach in the middle of summer. Definitely better than the beach on national holidays, which should, as a rule, be avoided at all costs.

10. The world loves watching people fall, which says a lot about how little being admired by this world matters. 

11. It's always better and braver to speak your truth even when you know for a fact you will be misunderstood, than it is to remain silent in an attempt to avoid that. There really are a lot worse things than being misunderstood. Feeling like you have to hide who you are is one of them.

12. While feeling like you don’t have what it takes to do something leads to hesitation, feeling like you’re capable of so much more than you’ve been trusted with can lead to frustration. I’m still trying to figure out what to do with this sort of thing. I feel like I know what it means to trust God when you don’t feel like you’re not up to something. But to trust Him when you feel like you were meant for more must look different somehow. And yet it’s trust all the same.

13. Jane Eyre is still my favorite novel. Perhaps it always will be, and I'm perfectly okay with that. Also, the 2006 BBC miniseries is the only acceptable adaptation. Much as I appreciate the aesthetic qualities of the 2011 version, it took me rereading the novel to realize how it fails to capture the characters' dynamic properly.

14. I love writing from a feeling of melancholy, and it's really nothing to be afraid of. It feels strangely natural for me to slip from melancholy to contentment, and even awe at the vastness of the world. The point is, melancholy is not the same as sadness. People often mistake the two. But so long as you are aware of your own feelings, you don't have to concern yourself with people's misinterpretations of them.

15. Perfectionism truly is the enemy of completion, especially when it comes to creating.

16. If you build your identity around being kind, or patient, or even empathetic, you run the risk of sinking into shame when you, inevitably, fall short of those things. We all come up short to our ideal of kindness at one point or another. It's a good thing to strive for, and a beautiful thing to value. Just don't expect perfection of yourself, or anyone else, for that matter. Your identity should be intrinsic, and not based on perfect behavior.

17. It's easy to feel like we don't have control over certain areas of our lives in some seasons, but the truth is, no one can control who you are or how you choose to grow in life. What you value, what you believe... these are things that are ultimately up to you, and you don't have to accept anyone's opinion of them if you don't want to. Even when it feels like you don't have a choice in certain matters, the choice of who you will become and how you will perceive yourself is always there for you. And it's one of the most powerful ones we can make.

18. There’s something really neat about reading books you probably should have read when you were younger a bit later in life, because you can appreciate things you probably would have missed back then. It's truly never too late to enjoy a good classic.

19. We forget so many memories, even those we once treasured so deeply. But even if we don't always think about some of the most beautiful moments we've experienced, I have to believe that the impressions they made on us, the lessons they taught us, stay with us. Perhaps we won't ever again remember the exact feeling of climbing that mountain or flying over that ocean. But the awe it instilled in our hearts taught us a little bit about the world, and played a tiny, but meaningful part in shaping how we look at it. And that's the part that counts, I think. The part that lasts. Even if we forget where it came from.