Waiting on Whispers

It’s been months since internship finished, and yet if I’m honest, I can’t say I’ve taken the time to process it all yet. It was a heck of a year. I learned so much about so many things, but especially about myself. And not necessarily all good things… Most things were not good, actually. But they were so necessary for me to see, and I keep learning more about them each day.

Part of me expected to be sad when internship was over though, or at least miss it a lot more than I do. But it’s always been strangely easy for me to move on from things- even good things, even things that I once cried over the thought of leaving. There is something about new seasons that always excites me. Something in me that will readily leave past things in the past. Always remembering them fondly, but accepting that the season for them has come and gone.

Leaving internship has been like that. I am so happy that I still get to be a part of my ministry in familiar as well as new ways, but there is also so much else going on in my life now. Namely the fact that in less than one year I will have graduated college. In less than one year, I pretty much have to decide what I’m going to do for the rest of my life.

Okay, so that sounds more dramatic than it really is. I have a pretty good idea of where I’d like to be, someday. But I’ve accepted that I’m not one of those people who will land the job they want to stay in for the rest of their lives. I don’t want to be one of those people. I want to try different things, and expand my skills in different areas. So the real question is deciding where to start. And lately it feels like I’ve got at least ten solid options, and that’s a little overwhelming.

I could find a way to stay in school, since realizing it’s almost over has made me already start missing it. I could teach. I could work for a nonprofit. I could do that one thing that always fascinates me- travel the world in a year doing missions. That last one seems like the no-brainer, but I can’t explain why as much as I like the idea and think it could someday be for me, I don’t feel the right peace about it just yet. That doesn’t mean it’s not for next year. It just means God hasn’t told me that it is yet.

One thing I do now for sure though, is that God’s will is not a treasure map. It will not force me into one thing only. There are many different paths I could take and God would help me thrive in each of them, and use them to get me to a good place. But that’s not my favorite way to do things. My favorite way to do things is to wait for His whisper. I don’t have to, this isn’t the only way we’re allowed to live our lives- I want to make that clear. But I choose to. I want God to lead me. I want Him to choose the next step for me, because I want my life to be His for whatever He wants. It’s not an excuse to avoid responsibility or delay making decisions. I just can’t deny the peace that I find when I follow that whisper.

Perhaps His whisper will simply be, “you choose.” And He will give me peace for whatever I set my mind on. Or maybe there is a certain thing that will fill me with such joy in my heart that I will know, God has a special place carved out for me along that path. But I was not kidding when I told God I wanted Him to use my life however He wanted. There could be no greater adventure, no more fascinating way to live life. Definitely easier, calmer, and more ordinary ways. But when has that ever been most worth it?

#2014 #christian