5 Things Before 30: A To-Be List

Reading a blog earlier, I came across one of the infamous 30 before 30 lists, which is basically a bucket list of things to do before you turn a certain age. There's many different versions of this list and I really like reading other people's. They always inspire me to have dreams and set goals and write them out to keep myself accountable.

But to be honest with you, I'm not really a to-do list person. And that list feels kind of like a glorified to-do list. I don't think there's anything wrong with to-do lists and if you like them, hey, by all means go for it. To-do list your heart out. But whenever I make them all I feel is pressure to get it all done and the perfectionist, procrastinating side of me inevitably comes out.

So I thought I'd make a different kind of 30 before 30 list (and keep it down to 5 things for the sake of my time and yours :) This is less about things to do and more about things to be. It's an ambitious list in that sense and I know it's even a little idealistic. I don't for a second think I can do it without God's help.

But I've got to dream and sometimes the best thing you can dream for is your character. So here's the kind of person I hope to be by the time I'm 30- maybe even sooner :)

1. Someone who doesn't sweat the little things.

Before my trip to Austin last week, I walked outside to find one of my car's tires completely flat- and we were already running hours behind the time we said we'd head out on the road. If you know me, you know one of my biggest pet peeves is being late to things, and I'm usually the one rushing my family out of the house. But for some reason- probably the fact that I'd commited to making this trip a relaxing one- I didn't freak out at all. Instead I found a way to laugh about it. Because the fact that the first thing I was going to do after graduating was learn how to change a flat tire was actually quite comical. What better way for the world to welcome me to adulthood, right?

It was hot and I got bit by mosquitos and got dirt all over my clothes while we tried to figure out how the heck to work my car's strange equipment. But it was fun, and it was its own strange little adventure. I think the key to surviving adulthood is to have that kind of perspective- where interruptions and inconveniences can roll off our shoulders with a laugh instead of ruin your whole day. I hope that eight years from now I'm better at this than I am now.

2. A child at heart.

You know what my favorite movie has been so far this year? Cinderella. And I really didn't see that coming. But there was something magical about seeing that story come to life on the big screen. I can't even really describe what it did to my heart. I fell in love with that movie that day because Cinderella was a dreamer. She was kind and good, and full of wonder and joy. And sometimes I get so caught up in the busyness of life that I forget to be all those things.

But I never feel more like myself than when I am dreaming or finding beauty in the littlest, simplest, silliest things. I want to live life like that. i want to live a life of wonder, like a child seeing the starlit sky for the first time. I think that's how God wired me to be. A dreamer, a child in awe at all the beauty He's put into this life. That's who I always want to be, even if the world sometimes tells me I'm silly and naive and impractical for it.

3. More aware of Jesus than myself.

Self-awareness is kind of my thing. While other people might struggle to answer questions on personality tests or write out how they're feeling, those things are pretty much second nature to me. But there's definitely a bad side to that, like the fact that because I'm so aware of my weaknesses it's easy to obsess over them. Lately I've been realizing that all the self-awareness and even self-improvement in the world is never going to satisfy me or get rid of all my insecurities.

Only focusing on Jesus can do that. Only falling in love with His kindness and tenderness and holiness can make me feel as happy and alive and loved and fulfilled as I long to be. I hope I learn to always be more in awe of Him than I am concerned about myself.

4. Better at vulnerability.

Ever since I read Brene Brown's Daring Greatly, I've been so aware of how powerful vulnerability can be. It's the foundation for our relationships with God and with others. It's freeing and inspiring and moving. And I hope I can learn to be better at it. I think I'm pretty good at it when it comes to writing- for some reason it seems to come so naturally bursting out of me when I sit down to write about what's weighing on my heart. But in person it's a different story. The fact that I'm introverted and would rather hear people talk about themselves than get into my issues makes it hard to be vulnerable with others when we're face-to-face. But I know that's a work in progress, and I'm excited to see myself get better at it :)

5. Better at discipline.

When I took the infamous StrengthsFinder test a year ago, guess what was at the bottom of my list of strengths. That's right, discipline (otherwise known as Focus according to the test). I know, that's so bad! It is just not something that comes naturally to me. I'm really good at coming up with ideas that excite me and motivate me, and if it's something I truly care about I'll work on it for days until it's done. But it's when I'm not so passionate about something that I have a hard time with it. And that's a really bad thing, because it interferes with my desire to become healthier and spend more time reading the Bible and even work on my novel. When those things don't feel exciting, I have a hard time making myself do them.

But I remember when I discovered the cure to laziness/lack of discipline a few years ago. And it's this: just do it. Really, that's it (props to Nike for figuring it out before me). There is really no other way to discipline yourself than to discipline yourself. There's no easy way out. I'm really working on this one, and I really, really hope I get it down before I'm 30!

I'll stop there for the sake of this post's length, but this is defintely not an exhaustive list. I might make a Part 2 sometime soon. :)

So what about you? What are your goals are for the next ten years?

#2015 #life