The Not-So-Perfect Post Grad Life

It's been three months since I graduated college, and that feels like an appropriate amount of time for me to have fallen into a new routine and gained a new perspective about life after college. I can't say that I'm fully there yet though. This summer was different and difficult, and it went by so much faster than I thought it would. But the start of school for everyone else (which is in a couple of weeks for most people) is finally letting me process the reality of being done with school for good. Or for awhile at least.

Like most things in my life, the other side of college has been different than what I expected it to be. I'm an idealist. I've told you that, right? So of course, when the last few weeks of school in April rolled around, I just wanted it to end because I dreamed of endless days of free time to spend blogging and writing and dreaming. It was going to be the first time in my life that I created my own schedule just the way I wanted it, and it was going to be glorious.

And it has been. Sort of...

To my credit, I did foresee the fact that I was probably being a bit too idealistic about the whole thing. In my mind, I was suddenly going to become this amazingly driven creative person that was going to start working on the things I really loved, and was going to be of course, great at it. And there has been creativity. I've been having a lot of fun letting myself think outside the box, even in the midst of all that went on this summer.

But it's the driven part that's been a little harder. Discipline isn't always the easiest thing for me,and that's left me frustrated a bit this summer, because it's been interfering with my "crazy, idealistic dreams." I have been trying to work on it. I mean, I bought myself a planner (which I used about two times, but I said trying not succeeding, remember?).

But what I've really been learning is that as much as I suck at disciplining myself, as much as I want there to be an easy, gentle way to do it- there just isn't. Discipline sucks most of the time. It's painful and exhausting and not at all gentle or fun. But it's necessary. And if there's anything I learned this summer, it's that I have got to stop trying to make life so comfortable for myself. Life is short. I know it's a worn cliche, but that has been a big lesson for me this summer. I don't want to waste my life trying to be comfortable and easing myself into my dreams. I want to be driven and hard working and much less hesitant than I am now.

You know, when I used to sit in business school wearing fancy blazers and making A's on tests, I used to wonder why people thought INFPs had their heads in the clouds. I mean, I seemed pretty grounded, didn't I? What with my good grades and clever plans and all. But now it's over and I'm facing the reality of my dreaming mind and distracted heart, and yeah, my head is in the clouds too much. I admit it. I'm still learning how to get my feet back on the ground. I'm not really sure they were ever on the ground at all.

I think that maybe I'm not good at facing the reality of things because let's face it, I'm pretty good at dreaming. My dreams are kind of Oscar-worthy to be honest. I could write you lovely stories about where I could be and who I might be and they would make you think I'm going to be the most successful, amazing person on the planet. But they're just dreams. Reality is tougher, and grittier, and usually not at all like my wildest dreams. But it's real. And sometimes it hurts and sometimes it's not pretty and sometimes it's going to take a heck of a lot more hard work than what I wanted.

But even then, I think it's worth it.

#life #2015