The Secret to Contentment

In my last few months of college, I remember desperately wanting a slower pace of life. I was swamped with research papers and exams while working 20 hours a week (more than I'd ever worked during school before), and I remember thinking that it was just too much. I dreamed of full days of nothing but novel writing and blog posting, days where I would be free and happy, contemplating on life and being at peace.

If only someone had reminded me how much of an idealist I am...

Because now that I have exactly that, now that everyone else has gone back to school and I'm free to do practically whatever I want... well, let's just say it's not as picture perfect as I imagined it.

This week especially was strange. Since everyone has gone back to school, a different sort of anxiety has started to weigh on me. Usually I can pin anxiety down on caffeine and be done with it (seriously, I have 0% caffeine tolerance). But I've had no coffee this week, and yet I've been restless anyway. I'm fairly sure the reason has to do with seeing everyone around me head back into "normal" life again. Summer is supposed to be over, so "busy" is supposed to start. And yet here I am, with long days to write and reach for my dreams and plan for long trips and... well frankly, it's hard to shake the nagging whisper that I'm being irresponsible.

This season is supposed to be a waiting season for me. Since I'm starting to fundraise for the World Race, I knew it was going to be a slow season as I try to get all the money for that. And I also did intend to start writing more, to actually go for that crazy dream of writing a novel that isn't going to happen overnight. But still, I'm restless! How ironic is that?

The real issue is that this is a problem of contentment. In typical human fashion, I started buying into the lie that the grass is always greener somewhere else. When I had too much busyness, I longed for slowness. And now that I have it, of course I'm desperate to do more! It's almost embarrassing how predictable I am...

But the good news is that I know the secret to contentment isn't found in circumstances, even though I forget that sometimes. The secret to contentment is found in Jesus, in knowing that He is enough for us. Yes, I do need to be a little "busier" about my World Race fundraising, and yes, I do need to stop comparing myself to the other college grads around me. But ultimately, neither of those things are the solution. The solution is this: Jesus is my ultimate source for peace. Spending time with Him relaxes my soul and fills my heart like nothing else can. In Him, I find the confidence to believe that I am enough, not because of what I do or don't do, but because of who I am.

Anxiety isn't an easy thing to deal with, especially when it's more a physical thing and when we've got all sorts of crazy circumstances around us. But finding contentment in Jesus always makes it easier. So that's what I'm going to do from now on.

"I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:11-12)

#christian #2015