The Infamous Future Husband List

Ah, yes. The list of things you’re looking for in a future husband. I’ve always kind of made fun of this list because, well, 1) I’m not huge on lists and 2) at this point it’s kind of become a Christian cliché. But I have to admit there are benefits to making this kind of list. And I don’t want to belittle it just because it’s popular.

In my case, I’ve never made an official list. But of course there are a few things I have in mind. I've been going back and forth on whether I should share them or not in the past few weeks but then I decided what the heck, why not? It is my blog after all ;) Hopefully my sharing them will inspire you to be deliberate about what you’re looking for in someone too.

Kindness. The idea that it’s the opposite of strength is so ridiculous and silly to me. After all, no one is stronger or more powerful than God - and yet no one is as kind. Kindness doesn’t mean saying yes to everything. It doesn’t mean catering to every demand. But it does mean sacrifice and consideration. It means being honest without being hurtful. It means going the extra mile even when you don’t feel like it. Why some girls think it’s attractive when a guy is rude or belittling to them is beyond me. In my case, this is always one of the first things I look for in someone. I know it’s such an important indicator of true security and strength.

Someone who knows God. And when I say that, I mean someone who really knows Jesus as the person that he is - not just a concept or a far off God that must be admired from afar. I want someone who knows what it's like to talk and laugh and cry and joke with him. We all have dry seasons obviously, and seasons where our hearts wander and God has to gently remind us of his kindness and his greatness and his love. But I can't even imagine being with someone who won't be able to walk with me on the crazy, amazing journey that is really getting to know him as a friend.

A heart for missions. I’ve gone back and forth on this one in the past because I’ve always heard people say that you don’t have to have the same “purpose” (thats the Christian word for career, y’all) as your spouse. And I think that’s true. But I also think it’s trickier when it comes to missions. I know that I wouldn’t want to be with someone who would simply be “willing” to live overseas with me someday, if I wanted to. I’d rather find someone who is already dead set on pursuing missions because it’s the calling on their heart. Will that technically make it so much harder for me to find anyone to date? Yes, definitely. But oh well. ;)

Honestly though, it would be pretty pointless for me to just make this list and make it all about what an ideal person could offer me. So the rest of this post is the things I want to be for someone. Because that’s the part we should all be really focused on right now anyway.

I want to be a supporter and an encourager. I want to be someone who can get behind crazy visions and dreams and speak positivity and life into them. I never, ever want to be the sort of wife that belittles her husband or makes fun of him in front of her friends. That is one of the most terrible things a wife can do to her husband, in my opinion. I want to be a life-giver and a dream-grower. I want to be able to always tell the guy I marry that I admire his strength and his vision and to really mean it and believe it rather than just say it cause I think that's what he needs to hear.

I want to be a good communicator. This is probably the number one thing I need to work on, honestly. In my opinion, marriages are strong when there is great communication in them, when a wife can admit to her husband that she feels sad but doesn't even know why without feeling ashamed of her emotions. I want to be honest and vulnerable, and I know that's going to take courage and that this is one of those things that you really only learn in the process of starting a relationship with someone. But there are also ways to practice I think, like telling your friend the truth when she asks how your week has been, or being honest with your boss about what's making you uncomfortable at work. The thing is, I really, really hate confrontation- I pretty much avoid it like the plague. But that needs to change, and I need to start making at least small steps toward that.

I want to be reliable. I want to be firm and steady- even if my heart still tends to wander and dream of wild things. I want to be dependable. I want to finish the projects I start, even if I've lost the passion I first had when the idea came to me. I want to be better at executing and completing, as good as I am at dreaming and beginning. I want to be more disciplined. I want the person I'll be with to know that they can count on me to walk through their dream with them even when it gets bumpy and not so dreamy or full of silver linings. Another thing I need to work on for sure. But that's kind of exactly why I picked these last two, because I know they're important, and I know I want to be better at them.

The goal for these things isn't perfection of course, cause I'll never be perfect at any of them, just like no one will ever be perfect at any of the things on my list. The goal is simply growth, and that's what I want to strive for. I encourage you to make your lists too, and really set a plan on how to grow on the second part. We spend so much time dreaming and looking for our future spouse sometimes that we miss the opportunity to become the kind of person they are dreaming of too.

#2016 #christian