Learning Contentment

It's the first week of June, which seems like a good time for a life update. As usual, I'm trying to wrap my head around the strange way that time passes, how so many things can change in a year, and how peace and contentment can coexist in the midst of stress and uncertainty. In a matter of days, it will have been nine months since I started the job I'm at now. Nine. I'm still trying to understand how time can seem to pass so quickly once you're out of school and in what they call "the real world."

Just a year ago, I was still working two part time jobs. I had applied to the place I'm working at now, but it had been a spontaneous decision (I applied about a day after I heard of the job, and it was actually the only place I applied at all), and I wasn't really expecting much to come of it. Frankly, nothing did... Except for it leading to another job opportunity in the same place, that turned out to be much better suited for me anyway (funny how God always surprises us like that).

Since then, the past months have flown by as I've adjusted to a new role, a new schedule, and a new environment. I've barely looked up from it all.

But just because I'm working a full time job that I actually love, doesn't mean I've abandoned my idealistic dreams. If I were to tell you the thoughts that go through my head when I just think about moving to another country, working for a humanitarian organization, or anything along those lines, you would probably think I'm obsessed. And yet the funny thing is, I actually feel content being where I am, because I know it's meant for this season.

So, what is this season all about then? To be honest, I don't fully know. When it started, I really felt that it was about preparation, and even made that my focus for 2018. And I still think that's a part of it. Preparing spiritually and mentally and practically. But as the months have passed, I've also come to learn that this season is all about learning contentment. And here's the thing I've learned about finding contentment - the only way to really get it, no matter where you are in life or how tempting it is to compare yourself to others, is to trust God.

In February, I attended a missions conference that's one of my favorite events of the year, and I asked God to speak to me about one thing - what next step to take, where to go if the time was right, anything. But as the conference began, my heart got ahead of my mind, and all I could think about was when it would be my turn to follow that call. And you know what God spoke to me about, right in the middle of that conference? Trust. That's it. Just one word. Really, all of life is an exercise in trusting Him, but wanting to pursue a path in missions is especially all about trusting Him. I can't ever hope to do anything missions related without an utter and complete reliance on God.

And so, that is the muscle I have been learning to exercise. I'm not perfect at it, and I waver just like anyone else. But at the end of the day, I realize that I'm exactly where I'm meant to be for the present, because I trust Him. I realize that I don't have to chase things that people my age seem to already have because I trust Him. I know that despite life's stress and uncertainty, God is so good and kind because I trust Him.

Contentment is an incredible, powerful thing to have. It makes life beautiful, even in its ordinary, seemingly plain moments. I do not have all I want, and I am not where I long to be. But where I am is so good, in many ways, and most importantly, God is here and teaching me so much in the midst of it.

And I can't shake the funny feeling that God has orchestrated so much in my life to lead me to this season. One to teach me peace and trust, and this wildly powerful thing called contentment.

#faith