A few days ago I came across a sweet little cartoon from a story of Winnie the Pooh that went viral on Instagram. Here it is below, if you haven't yet seen it.
I loved this little story, not just because I have a special place in my heart for all things Winnie the Pooh. But also because it speaks to the power of empathy. To the reality that at the end of the day, empathy doesn't really doesn't have much to do with how we can fix another person's problems. Rather, it's about learning to listen and understand. To sit in silence doing nothing if need be, because sometimes that's the best thing we can do.
That same day, I also came across a really great article that touched on the differences between sympathy and empathy.
Here is one of my favorite quotes from it:
"Sympathy may make me feel better, helping me to feel like a caring and thoughtful person. Empathy, on the other hand, may leave me feeling worse. Because now I FEEL what the other person is feeling.
Sympathy gives stuff to the person and leaves. Empathy listens to the person and then gives what is necessary, even if that is just time.
Sympathy requires very little heart. Empathy requires fully engaged hearts."
Perhaps my favorite part about that quote is the explanation that empathy often leaves us feeling worse than we did. It might seem a bit masochistic, but remember that this practice of suffering with those who suffer is in the Bible itself (Romans 12:15). It's an inconvenient, not so fun practice that goes against our desire to merely sympathize at a respectable, detached distance that doesn't require too much involvement of our emotions or discomfort.
This applies to relief work so much as well. One of the reasons I love the idea of empathy over sympathy is that sympathy quite often leads us to do things that are counterproductive, and not honoring to the people we are attempting to help. We see this often in relief work, when people who feel genuine compassion for those in need start projects and campaigns without stopping to consult the people they are trying to help. Intentions may be good, and the result may be a success (according to those in charge, anyway), but these kinds of projects don't always take into account the dignity of the people they are serving. Nonprofit research proves that for relief work to be a lasting success, the people in the community have to feel like they own the project themselves. It's empowerment over handouts. Lasting change over a feel-good, bandaid fix.
This may all seem like strategy, but the reality is that it boils right back down to empathy. To stopping to consider how we would feel in the shoes of another, not just how we feel in the position of helping. We need empathy because we are very biased people who quite easily slip into stereotyping others and judging them according to our worldview. Empathy is the first step to dismantling those stereotypes, the first step to seeing others clearly, beyond our ill-informed judgements.
You know, the more I participate in service projects, the less I like it when people are simply handed things that we've decided they need. The more it bothers me when we film people's reactions of gratitude to our generosity. Not that these things are always bad, and not that they can't be done with empathy and respect. But I think it's incredibly easy to overlook those things, to be so focused on what we've done and what we're getting out of it that we never stop for a second to think how a person may feel about receiving free food, or clothing, or anything. Beyond gratitude, perhaps there is shame or awkwardness or a feeling of indebtedness.
It's a complicated, nuanced subject that I love to study and read about because no matter how complicated it is, it's so worth it to dive into that complexity. Privilege and empathy and dignity and all of that matters when it comes to relief work of any kind. It's worth doing right, because it is perhaps the thing most worth doing in this world. To love others the way Jesus has called us to. As if we need a better example, He quite literally walked in our shoes, looked us in the eye, and understood us completely. It's quite an incredible thing that the God of the universe considers each of us worthy of personally knowing and understanding. The world would be a better place if we would consider one another the same way.
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