The One Online Comment That Drives Me Crazy...

If there's anything you learn growing up in the land of internet, it's that one of the worst things you can do if you want to have a nice, peaceful day is spend time reading online comments. We all know how full of hatred they can be. It's something that used to really bother me, honestly, but over the years I’ve gotten pretty used to it (you have to if you want to be on any social network). But there's one kind of comment that still bothers me just as much. To the point that yes, I felt it necessary to dedicate an entire blog post to it...

This sort of comment sounds like this when it's found in a certain political discussion: “Well, those people are breaking the law, so if their families are separated, too bad.” It sounds like this when people are discussing someone with an addiction: "Well, they chose to try drugs, so it’s their fault. I don’t feel sorry for them.” And it can even sound like this when a celebrity complains about their child being hounded by paparazzi: “I mean, they chose that kind of life so they have to deal with the consequences. Too bad.”

These kinds of comments drive me crazy for one simple reason: there is absolutely no trace of empathy in them for the people they are criticizing. Is there an element of truth in them? Yes, most of the time. But when you choose to attack and judge someone for their choices without any empathy for them, you are blinding yourself to the reality that, were it not for your upbringing and environment, that could very well be you.

Here’s the thing. It’s very easy to look down on someone who doesn’t have a good work ethic when you were raised in a family that instilled those values in you from the start. Is each person responsible for upholding good values and doing what’s right? Yes, of course, and that’s why someone who does not must face the consequences. But how can we be so sure that, had we been raised in a toxic environment, we wouldn’t have adopted some of that toxicity ourselves? How can we be so confident that we would have chosen right? How can we even be so sure that we’d be the same kind of person we are now if we’d been brought up in a completely different dynamic? The point is simply this: you don’t know. You don’t know who you might have been, what you might have done. And so the very least thing we can offer others who continually choose wrong is empathy and compassion.

I do believe that healthy empathy and compassion hold people accountable for their actions. In fact, any sort of relief work that offers handouts without accountability is probably doing more harm than good. But when we judge without mercy, when we accuse without a basic foundation of love for another human being, we are acting out of ignorance and pride. And I just don’t see how the kind of comment that ends with “too bad” has any sort of love for another person.

Here’s what it comes down to for me: God offers us grace for all the stupid mistakes we’ve ever made, and he doesn’t stand there saying “well, you keep choosing wrong, so too bad.” He is a God of mercy, because He sees past the dirt and the junk to our hearts, as His own is moved with compassion.

It may sound simplistic and idealistic, but if at the root of our hearts we don’t have a sense of love and compassion for another human being, we should be quiet when it comes to pronouncing an opinion on them. Otherwise we are not speaking with the heart of God.

Obviously, I am not saying that I always get it right. I misjudge and misinterpret constantly. But I just don't get how people fail to realize that so much of the good in their lives isn't there because of their own amazing willpower and determination (much may be, but certainly not all). So much in our lives has been influenced by our environment and circumstances, and of course God's grace. So for us to sit there and judge confidently, as if we're certain we would have made different decisions in someone else's shoes, is so silly and inaccurate.

All I know is that I want to love others with gratitude and humility. That's the beginning of empathy.