The Beautiful, Humbling Journey of Realizing What A Mess You Are

There's a (tongue in cheek) warning in the church world not to pray for patience unless you're ready to have your patience tested. And wow have I learned how true that is recently. Actually, I didn't pray for patience. But I did pray something along the lines of asking God to help me grow this year - to help me love people better and grow in character - which is the best kind of growth anyone can have in the long run. But if there's one thing I've learned about these kinds of prayers, it's that they usually lead straight to one thing: the realization of how much of a mess you are, and how impossible the task of becoming like Jesus truly is.

That's because it isn't a task at all, of course. Growing in kindness, humility and patience are not things that we can summon up the effort and courage to do on our own. We need Him to grow in these things. And in my experience, when I have asked for them, the first thing God does is show me that.

It's such a humbling thing, but I'm ever so grateful for it. There's a freedom that comes with realizing how imperfect you are, how flawed and full of imperfections. I'd rather be able to own up to my shortcomings with honesty and authenticity, than hide behind the illusion that I have it all together and always do the right thing.

It is absolutely freeing to accept that you are human, and therefore, flawed. So even though some of the things God has been showing me lately have been a tough pill to swallow, they have also given me so much freedom. And amazed me by how faithful God is to help us grow when we ask for it (even when we hardly have any idea what we're asking, ha).

So yeah, 2019 has been quite a year so far. I feel like I've learned more about myself and my own insufficiencies in the past four months than I had in the past year and a half. But strangely, that makes me so excited for the future. To know that God is walking alongside me, directing all my steps and words and thoughts, is comforting and powerful and reassuring. God is so faithful in the little things, and He takes our prayers and desires so seriously, guiding us as a gentle Father would. Isn't it wild how patient and humble and kind He is? I suppose that makes Him the very best to learn from.