Self-Awareness, Gentleness and a Few Reminders

I read a really good book this week. It was the kind of book that sits on your soul for awhile after you've turned the final page. I took several things from it that I don't want to forget. But one of the most important ones was the value of digging deep into your heart and facing what's buried there. This is not a new concept to me, of course. I live my life constantly analyzing my thoughts and emotions. But I don't know that I've ever spent deliberate time thinking through my entire life, and recognizing the things that have most shaped me into who I am now. There's value in that, in recognizing where some of your unhealthy coping mechanisms may have come from. There's so much freedom in that.

Not to brag, but I'm kind of an expert at this self-awareness thing in that I could tell you exactly what my unhealthy coping mechanisms are. I could tell you my weaknesses and the areas I have to improve on. Things like my natural reserve and need for privacy, my love of independence and autonomy (and stubbornness when someone challenges it), and my tendency to over-identify with my emotions come to mind. But there's something even more powerful in asking yourself why. Why am I naturally bent toward these things, what exactly am I afraid of? Because how can you overcome that deep-seated fear if you can't even recognize it for what it is? When you do though, when you realize that, for example, deep down you are afraid of rejection, or of failure, or of being insignificant and unremarkable, well, you're off to a pretty good start. The next questions, I imagine, would be something along the lines of, where did I get that definition for failure, for rejection? Why does it matter so much to me? And where, instead, should my worth and security come from?

I think becoming a whole, healthy person starts with this kind of investigation. It doesn't end there. But it's definitely a good place to begin.

Another unexpected way this book affected me though, is that it reminded me of gentleness. Of God's gentleness toward us, and the need for us to be gentle to not only others, but ourselves. Perhaps it was because so many of the themes in the book focused on grace. On accepting the weaknesses of others, and ourselves. And what's gentler than grace?

I was reminded of the power of gentleness through the stories I read. Of how freeing it is, how beautiful it is. You know, it's one of the things I see most often in God. This soft, tender grace that does not shy away from truth, but never delivers it in a harsh or condemning way. A grace that gently accepts us as we are, and gently calls us to rise higher.

And I was really moved to remember the sort of gentleness I don't always focus on. Gentleness toward myself. It's not that I am always a harsh critic of myself, or that I don't know how to let go of my mistakes. But honestly, I tend to shy away from things like reminding myself that I'm doing a good job. Or any of that encouraging yourself kind of stuff, because well, I don't know... It's always felt kind of forced to me. Or silly, maybe. Not very natural or real.

But now maybe I see the value in it a bit more. Or rather, I recognize the importance of reminding yourself of what really matters in life, and of where your worth comes from. Even if it feels "cringey" at times. Even if it takes practice. Considering how easy it is to criticize ourselves, it would do us all a lot of good, I think, to make a habit of encouraging ourselves well.

So, here are some reminders, or thoughts, in my own unnecessarily poetic way, that encourage me. That remind me of truths that are easy to forget. I hope maybe they'll do that for you too, even in the smallest of ways.

• Your worth does not come from whether or not people value you. If you are overlooked, if you are not seen for who you truly are, if you are taken for granted, truly, none of that says anything about you. In an ideal world, we would remain unaffected by these things, because we would know our worth is intrinsic. That if the God of the universe - the only one whose opinion truly matters - thinks you are good and smart and remarkable, well, then you are. In the real world, this is not always so easy to believe. But it is true. And it always will be.

• No one is a more valuable person than you are. It doesn't matter how much influence they have, how much money they have, what sort of position or power they hold. No one's opinion is intrinsically more valuable than yours. We're all on an even playing field here. That doesn't mean we don't still have to abide by authority, respect our leaders, and remain humble, just as Jesus was humble. But at the end of the day, no one is worth anything more than you are. Don't let anyone belittle you into thinking so.

• Nothing you can do or say or learn will ever increase or decrease your value in the eyes of God. So in a sense, our silly striving is in vain. How easily we forget this, but Jesus took care of it all at the cross. There is work to be done still, yes. But all of it from a place of peace, from a place of security in ourselves. So much of what we do is motivated by a desire to prove ourselves worthy, though we would not so easily admit that. But that's quite an impossible goal. Jesus did all the proving for us already. We're meant to live from a place of rest. Of satisfaction, of contentment.

• You already have everything you need inside of you to accomplish what has been set before you. I felt God speak to me about this once, and it really blew my mind. The thing is, our talents and gifts and way of thinking don't always seem like an obvious fit for the thing we've been called to in life. But they are. It's just that we need God's grace to show us how they fit. It's not an accident, what God called you to, and what He gifted you with. It was so incredibly deliberate. But God is an artist, and the end result won't always turn out the way you think. It will be so much more beautiful though, in the end.